Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Fave song: Big isn't beautiful

Don't know why I'm so hooked on this song.

There's a video on YouTube if you haven't seen/heard it. A couple lines missing in this version, but, eh.

King Adora - Big Isn't Beautiful

Just love it.

I want to feel my bones on your bones, yea.
I wish I had a body to die for, skinny is sexy, big isn't beautiful.

Invincible Ghosts.

Thanks for all the sweet comments on my last post (more than a week ago, doh!)  I was a bit pissed at the "friend" for a while, but then used her words as fuel to lose more!

I've had sporadic gains here and there, so it's hard to say how much I've really lost this week (or month, even). But I can confidently say I've lost 2-3 lbs this week and about 9 lbs since the first week of August. I think tomorrow will show a devastating gain since I ate triple the calories today than I've been eating... I know my period is coming, so the cravings will be a problem as usual.

I saw a wonder woman today. She was dressed nicely, a little cool for September. I was loitering near a store :) and she was entering the store so I only briefly saw her. I noticed first that she was wearing a light dress for such a chilly day. Then I noticed her skinny ankles wrapped in strappy sandals. I did the smile-nod courtesy thing as she passed by me and I saw all at once - the visible ribs about her chest/upper body, the tiny arms and protruding shoulders, the bold cheekbones, the prominent collar bones. She smiled back and then she was gone.

It was all at once beautiful and horrifying and hilarious. I want to be very thin, but I don't want to be skeletal. At what point does that happen? When I get to "thin" will I be able to stop before "skeletal"? Will I be able to tell the difference any more? The funny part - I'm standing outside in a sweatshirt and jeans surrounded by a 100lbs worth of fat and I'm cold. This thin little thing sweeps across the parking lot in sandals and sundress and no fat to speak of and doesn't seem to notice. Impenetrable. Invincible. Ghost.

Where do you all stand? What's your goal, to be thin/skinny/tiny/slender or to be a skeleton/ghost/ethereal being? Opinions welcome, no harsh (or individualized) judgments allowed.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

sizes and sighs

I was out with a skinny friend last night. We were walking past a rack of clothing and she stops and points out a pair of dress pants. She says "ugh, can you believe how huge these are? who would let themselves get like that!"

They were a size smaller than what I currently wear.


About halfway through the month and I'm down 1 pound exactly. Not where I'd hoped to be, but considering the impromptu trip and all the eating out, it's ok for now. Got some exercise today, but ate a lot. Hoping to get more exercise in tomorrow...not sure what just yet.


I have been reading a bunch of blogs, catching up on the last week. Not commenting much, I know ~ sorry.

Monday, September 13, 2010

a week gone, same weight

Back from the trip, thought i would be longer than i really was. lots of eating out done and lots of lazing about, but i did some exercise every day, and miraculously am the same weight i was a week ago when i left for this crazy trip. I'm quite proud, but I suspect it was all luck >.>

I did try to limit my meals the first couple days...but had a few brown outs and got scared that if i were to pass out, my relatives would...well...notice. so i pretty much blew the diet...but it seems to have worked out ok.

I've got exercise on the brain lately. this is good. now i just need to get out and do it!

Goal: make a goal. :-P