Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Invincible Ghosts.

Thanks for all the sweet comments on my last post (more than a week ago, doh!)  I was a bit pissed at the "friend" for a while, but then used her words as fuel to lose more!

I've had sporadic gains here and there, so it's hard to say how much I've really lost this week (or month, even). But I can confidently say I've lost 2-3 lbs this week and about 9 lbs since the first week of August. I think tomorrow will show a devastating gain since I ate triple the calories today than I've been eating... I know my period is coming, so the cravings will be a problem as usual.

I saw a wonder woman today. She was dressed nicely, a little cool for September. I was loitering near a store :) and she was entering the store so I only briefly saw her. I noticed first that she was wearing a light dress for such a chilly day. Then I noticed her skinny ankles wrapped in strappy sandals. I did the smile-nod courtesy thing as she passed by me and I saw all at once - the visible ribs about her chest/upper body, the tiny arms and protruding shoulders, the bold cheekbones, the prominent collar bones. She smiled back and then she was gone.

It was all at once beautiful and horrifying and hilarious. I want to be very thin, but I don't want to be skeletal. At what point does that happen? When I get to "thin" will I be able to stop before "skeletal"? Will I be able to tell the difference any more? The funny part - I'm standing outside in a sweatshirt and jeans surrounded by a 100lbs worth of fat and I'm cold. This thin little thing sweeps across the parking lot in sandals and sundress and no fat to speak of and doesn't seem to notice. Impenetrable. Invincible. Ghost.

Where do you all stand? What's your goal, to be thin/skinny/tiny/slender or to be a skeleton/ghost/ethereal being? Opinions welcome, no harsh (or individualized) judgments allowed.


Dylphe said...

hard one I want certain bones visible, but I don't want to be quite skeletal it's hard right now i'm focusing more on weight than look because my view in the mirror is distorted anyway
stay strong

Lyndsay said...

I just want to be thinner, or thin enough to feel comfortable in my own skin.

and as a side note, I am one of your new followers. I recently went through and read your whole blog! I truly enjoy reading what you write and hope you continue to blog more.