Tuesday, July 28, 2009


So let's say today hasn't gone well. I HAVE NO SELF CONTROL. I am an impulsive bitch. I ate a lovely salad with some protein, and felt satisfied. But then I went and looked for something else to eat. And I found potato chips. dammit I haven't had chips in...a long time. And I wanted them. And I gave in. Damn. So i retroactively calculated the calories, it comes to about 1100. It's 2pm, and that estimate leaves me 400 for dinner. (the reason that's a problem is that dinner is a sit down with family thing, and regular portions of dinner run about 500-700 calories.)

As a child i was nicknamed "garbage can" because I was pressured by parents to eat all that remained of dinner, so there would be no pesky leftovers. And...I still eat like that. I will eat until there is nothing left. Even if i'm not hungry, or if i don't want to eat it, or if it doesn't even taste good...I will eat until it is gone. I'm a little obsessive about things too, so that doesn't help. So now, I've just got to get obsessive about weight loss.

Let's talk about exercise. I am physically unfit. I wasnt' very active as a kid (read: video games) and that's followed me into adult life. hmmm...

I can tolerate:
lifting weights

I have never done:
cardio machines (treadmill, elliptical)

I have access to a community gym. I live in a gated community so the sidewalks/neighborhood is relatively safe. But i'm horribly self conscious, whenever I go for a walk, i'm convinced the neighbors are staring at me, thinking "there goes that fat chick, waddling down the road". well, maybe not that last part, but I do get super paranoid that people are watching/judging me.

I'm going to go attempt some clumsy form of exercise.


Vee said...

I hear you, girl!

Bleh.. I should go jogging or something. The place we recently moved to is a really nice neighbourhood, but I'm still waaay too self-conscious =/ My fitness level is like in the negative, it's ridiculously embarassing. Luckily, since we moved, I've had a treadmill in my bedroom. Unluckily, it was only accessible for a couple of days - now I have a ton of extra boxes and stuff in here that I need to find the space to unpack so I can pull it out.

Personal goal this weekend: get my whole room sorted so I can do some damned exercise ^^

Also, aerobics classes are actually super fun if you can get past feeling like a dork (it took me a while, and I was self conscious the entire time, but I enjoyed it once I got into it). The feeling after a really decent workout is hard to beat.

I need to practice what I'm preaching and burn some workout DVDs or something haha

Vee xx

Ana's Girl said...

I know what you mean, eating until it's gone. Maybe it's just OCD or something. I don't know but it does suck.

About exercise: I'm super self-conscious about it too. I won't exercise with anyone because i'm too nervous about how i'll look. Wanna know something fun and easy that you can hide while doing? Dancing! Just lock the door, drop the blind, crank up some beaty music, and dance your heart out. It burns calories and you have fun. And the best part: NO ONE SEES! :)

Anonymous said...


I get really anxious about going on bike rides because I wonder if people are staring at the fat chick on the bike.

Eating and being hungry have always been completely unrelated. Many times I have eaten to the point of physical discomfort for now particular reason... it just tasted good. I was bored. Whatever.

It does get better. Keep walking/biking/etc and then you can wonder if the neighbors have noticed how much weight the fat chick has lost.

Chick said...

I know you posted this a looong time ago but I know exactly how you feel. I wasn't pressured by family to eat everything but by my daycare...hmm something I could write about, anyway and the whole being judged while exercising god instead of "yay she's getting healthy" its "ugh why does she even bother"...at least that's what those looks seem to say