HOORAY

Woohoo! I'm doing real well. I've lost nearly 9 inches and 9.5 pounds since I started this on July 27th. My measurements are:

Chest: (-1 from last week)
Waist: (-.5)
Hip: (+.5)
Thigh: (-1)

Just wanted to let ya'll know I'm still here, still alive, still reading your blogs! Just not posting/commenting as much (hafta lie low for a while).

:-)

Thanks for all the advice on my last post. I actually am already vegetarian, and have been about...19 years? I've thought about going vegan (and would like to from a moral standpoint), but that makes going out with friends kinda hard. Lately I've been trying to do a small breakfast and a family dinner, but for some reason that keeps not working out. Ah well, I'll figure something out. But thanks for the advice! And yes, Ana's Girl, I've read "Wasted" three times!

Calorie-wise I'm at 1380 for the day. I think that's pretty good. It's not as low as I'd like, and I'm awfully full now, but it's less than yesterday. But I ate a lot of junk food. I'm going to (try to) get up early tomorrow morning and go for a long walk/run.

I leave you with a quote: "Pain is weakness leaving the body."

GONNA GAIN

Lovin' the comments ya'll!

I've still reading some of your blogs (not as many as I'd like to) and commenting on maybe 1 out of 4? Yah, I know, I suck. I'll do better! But, thanks, for reading and commenting on mine! I'll get to yours...eventually. :-/

Calories for the day...UGGCCCKKKKHHHHH.
Seriously, two family sit-down meals in one day?
Breakfast - 600
Lunch - 1/2 sandwich & carrots with mustard *grin* - 150
Drink mix - 5
Dinner - 680
Dessert - 550!
Total Calories: ~1985

It's about double what I wanted to eat. How do you all get away with not finishing everything on your plate? I live in a "every dinner meal eaten with family" and "must clear your plate" home. And know, my immediate + extended family is overweight/obese and not at all athletic. I mean, remember the "let's split this pie into 6 pieces" thing? So how do I do it? How do I get away with not clearing my plate? Any opinions are welcome.

x
Samantha

YAY-BOO-UGH

First off, yay! I've lost 2 pounds since yesterday.

Second, boo. I probably lost because I cut my calories back so far, so I'll gain tomorrow.

Third, ugh. Family Sunday Breakfast. Caloric hit = 600.

LOW CALORIE DAY!

Sweet! Total Calories for the day: 690.

I was only able to pull this off cause I slept most of the day.

AH, DIZZY.

Interesting, a lot of you all enjoy dizziness too!

As a side note, I no longer cut or pop pills, I quit that about a year ago, and I guess whatever you'd call what I'm doing now is replacing that. I have to have a little craziness in my life!

I'm doing well today. I'm going to have a hot chocolate with added milk, so 50 calories so far today. I'll write more later.

MASOCHIST

Today was a normal calorie day. It wasn't planned to be that, but it turned out that way. Breakfast was good, 235 calories. Lunch was excessive at 500 calories. And dinner was yet another sit down occasion, I did alright at about 550 calories. But then came dessert at 600 calories. Euh. So total calories for the day: 1885 - I can expect a slight gain tomorrow morning. Today I was down almost 2 pounds but still not where I was at on Wednesday.

Do any of you have awful, persistent headaches that don't go away with sleep/medicine? What about dizziness?

Maybe I'm like masochistic or something but I'm really enjoying the dizziness, and even more so when I get so dizzy I have to sit down. That is, as long as I'm totally alone! I guess I just enjoy any sensation in my body that's different than what I feel in a normal day. That's probably why I cut and take pills... and it's probably why I'm doing what I'm doing now. Alright, gettin' too introspective.

So maybe I'm just imagining things, but last night in bed I started feeling my elbows and knees... those things are sharp!

We'll see how it goes...

xoxo
Samantha

SONGS (that remind me of ED)

Hunger Strike - Temple of the Dog
Stand in the Rain - Superchick
Courage - Superchick
Violet - Savage Garden
The First Taste - Fiona Apple
Paper Bag - Fiona Apple
What's Good for Me - Lucy Woodward
(There's Gotta Be) More to Life - Stacie Orrico
Yummy - Gwen Stefani
Going Under - Evanescence
Creep - Radiohead
Into the Ocean - Blue October
Ana's Song - Silverchair
She Walks on Me - Hole
Supermodel - Jill Sobule

WINX CLUB

Have you ever heard of the kid's cartoon show Winx Club? These characters are ridiculously thin. Their knees come to a point! I never thought I'd be thinspired by a kid's show...

UGH

Today did not go well.
I woke up to a 2.6 lb weight gain.
I drank 225 cals for breakfast (a protein drink).
Then I had a yogurt and a banana (235).
Then 2 cups of grapes (220).
Then dinner -whew- 1200 or so?
Total calories: 1880
Then I felt bad and purged, minus 400 or so?
And no exercise today.

MY BODY

Dinner was 1400+ calories. It was so tasty...I couldn't stop. I guess I've been in the binge mood all day. I think I'm at least under 2000 calories though. I'm probably gonna show a weight gain tomorrow...damn. I felt Mia wrap her long fingers around my throat, but I resisted. Now I feel ill. My stomach is cramping...ughhhh.

On a grosser note, allow me to describe my body! If a picture's worth a thousand words, then allow me to use a thousand words in place of a picture.

I'm medium framed.
I have narrow, US size 6.5 feet. My poor feet, they have to carry so much.
I have regular sized hands with strangely short fingers. I bite my nails.
I have good calves, but up near the knee they get fat. Notice mid-calf, down, don't I look thin? Take a good look, it's the last decent thing you'll see.
My thighs are ginormous. And I'm not exaggerating either.
Let's start over from the top.
My face is okay, except I have bad rashy skin.
If I really work at it I can see a double chin.
I have pretty good shoulders, but my arms have way too much fat on them. I can like grab onto a whole handful of fat on my upper arms. But, I have some muscle too. I'm pretty strong. I can leg press 200 pounds and depending on the type of exercise, lift up to 80 pounds with my arms.
But no matter how thin my arms are, they'll never be pretty. I used to be a cutter and burner.
I have no abs. I can't do a single crunch. When relaxed, the place on my body where abs should be sticks out farther than my breasts.
I'm pretty much a straight line down. Not a thin line mind you, a big thick magic marker line.

Really, I don't know how I let myself get this bad. I guess that's the thing about Mia, she doesn't necessarily make you lose weight, but she does let you eat, and eat, and eat. And then if you quit throwing up, and keep eating, well... then I happen.

BLOG LINKS

CA - what to say? She needs accountability. (well that much is obvious...) Besides that, her blog is totally worth reading because unlike mine, she actually writes about stuff. Personal stuff. Good stuff. Stuffy stuff.

Oh yes, I certainly have a way with words...

sorry_i_can't_be_perfect - She's currently doing ABC. And I like how she shares a few childhood memories of things related to bodies and weight and such.

Lady Destroyed - This girl knows a lot of words. In summary: scale, secret identity, disgusting bug, bmi, skinny/tiny/bone. It's good, trust me.

Wait! Did I just tell you to trust me? Never trust me. Except...about calorie counts.

:D
Samantha

**NEAR BINGE

Aw, thanks ya'll. LOVE the comments!

I woke up hungry and unattended this morning. So I had my oatmeal & milk (235) eating no more than a teaspoon at a time, very slowly. Still hungry. I paced nervously around the kitchen. Opened the fridge. Leftovers. Pizza. Lasagna. Potato Salad. Shredded cheddar cheese. Just a bit? No. I stood entranced at the pantry. Potato chips. Tortilla chips. I could melt the cheddar on those! Cheese crackers. Little Debbie cakes. No. I could make dozens of peanut butter sandwiches and... NO.

I ate two-thirds of a cup of blueberries (90).
Still hungry.
Water.
An apple (110) diced into little bits that I ate one by one.
Brother is home.
Done.
435 calories.
Disaster averted.

STATS

Weight: down 0.4 pounds from yesterday. I'll need to lose half a pound every day to reach my August 31st goal.

Measurements (it's been a week)
(I can't remember my measuring point for upper arm, so the loss is probably off)
Upper Arm: 15" (~2.5" loss)
Wrist: 6.5"
Chest: 41" (-0.5)
Waist: 41" (-1.0)
Hip: 47" (-0.5)
Thigh: 43" (-1.0)
Total inches lost: ~5.5" (3" for sure)

UPDATE

Weight today: 0.6 pounds down from yesterday. I need to lose 3 pounds per week.

I had three meals today.
breakfast was oatmeal and coffee both with milk & a banana - 300
lunch was a bunch of sugary crap - 300
dinner was take away - 820
crystal light with 3g. fiber - 10
Total calories for the day: 1430
Exercise: a teeny bit of running/walking

Goals for tomorrow:
No sugar.
No artificial sweetener. (no soda, gum, candy, crystal light)
1500 calorie limit.
Exercise more than today.

MORE BLOG LINKS

Start-ups:
- Brooke is just starting her blog, as of today.
- L has been posting since July, she's got thinspiration pics up!
- Amber is a first time poster, long time reader.
- OBEEZA has a few posts currently. She posts short and sweet and has a very clean looking blog. You know what I mean?

Blogs I'm diggin':
- Sunny has an eclectic sort of blog that is just...very interesting.
- Lola's blog is awesome! It's so pretty~ I love the purple text on black :-D
- Dot's blog is da bomb (pardon my playground language). Seriously, her blog is so amazing! (I'm a fan...lol)

Alright, that's all the posting I have in me for right now. I have run out of words!

EXERCISES

These are exercises you can do at home with only a set of dumbells. But first, post-workout food. To burn fat, start with stretching, then weight training, then do mostly cardio, followed by some optional easy stretching. Post-workout, eat 3/4 cup of plain, low fat yogurt with either a bit of granola or half a tablespoon of honey. The yogurt + honey is gonna cost you approx. 130 calories. And the protein + carb combination is thought to spike up fat burning post-workout. Now for exercises:

• Lunge while holding a weight in each hand, as you stand back up pull the weights to armpits.
• Lunge while holding a weight in each hand. Curl both arms up, keeping elbows tucked in. Pause 4 seconds and lower arms. Return to standing position and repeat, alternating legs. Works lower body + biceps.
• For shoulders: Balance on one leg, knee bent at 90 degree angle, at hip height. Tighten abs to maintain balance. With a weight in each hand, stretch both arms out to sides, parallel to floor, palms down. Pause and lower arms. That's one rep. Alternate raised leg.
• Stand with a weight in each hand, curl arms up towards shoulders, then alternating, extend arms as though in a punch.
• Lie on your back on the floor, bring knees to chest, and in a fluid motion move legs/feet as though pedaling a bicycle in the air.
• For triceps: Lie flat on back, knees bent, feet flat on the ground. With a weight in each hand, press arms above chest. Keeping upper arms still, bend elbows 90 degrees, lowering the weights towards the floor behind your head. Then straighten arms for one rep.

Any of these unclear? Just ask.

TODAY and QUESTION

28 FOLLOWERS! ~ no way.

Question for ya'll: When I post the specific foods I have eaten - is that bad for you, good, or you just don't care? I know I was reading someone's blog once and they mentioned a dessert and I was like "omg...i have to eat that now". So I'm trying to be careful not to trigger anyone into binge mode, but it's also helpful to me to have a sort of food diary...so I dunno. Let me know your opinion via comments!
=-=-==-=-=

I was a bit more active today, nothing spectacular but I was on my feet a bit more. I'm going to do some simple weight and stretching exercises later. I swear I'd be a couple inches taller if I'd just stretch!

So let's look at my weight the past four days...
Friday it was ***.
Saturday I was 3.5 pounds down.
Sunday I was up 2 pounds.
Today I am down half a pound.

I don't think I've EVER had two consistent weigh-ins in a row. I'm constantly up and down. So my hope is tomorrow I'll be down, or even the same weight.

Calories for the day: 1360


I'll post more in a bit. I think I'll post some do-at-home exercises...

ABOUT JUNK FOOD/CALORIES

As I thought, my loss was only temporary. I am up 2 pounds from yesterday, but it's still a loss overall. I bet tomorrow will show a gain as well. Today was a food disaster. We went out to eat for Brunch. I was going to get oatmeal, but somehow let myself be talked into an omelette. It was a four egg omelette, with gobs of cheese and mushrooms. With it came bacon, toast and potatoes. I ate the whole omelette and the toast, but it still came to at least 700 calories. Later on my cousin (who's quite a bit older than me) decided it'd be a great idea to buy a bakery pie and split it, so I ended up eating all but the crust of a sixth of a pie. Probably -- 500 calories? Plus a big scoop of ice cream (300). THEN, dinner was Taco Bell. I ate a bean burrito (350) and salad with stuff in it (300). So I went approx. 650 calories over my limit. And oh no! the night is still young!

I'm off to read your blogs! Haven't read any for almost 2 days now...

x
Samantha

POLL ---->

By the way, to your right there is a poll, about favorite magazines. You can only vote once, but you can select multiple magazines!

THINKING WHILE I TYPE...

Thanks guys! All of your comments are so sweet :)

I did sleep, and slept, and slept, and slept. Yesterday I had a total of 450-550 calories! It was a casserole, so I'm not sure of the calories. Woke up this morning and weighed 4.5 pounds less than I did yesterday! I'm happy for the moment, but I'm not gonna get too excited until it shows consistently down. Today I've had 950 calories, practically in the same sitting. I'll have an apple later on so the total for today will be 1060 calories.

I might post later, but for now I'm off to take a mile and a half walk. I had some generic sort of post planned but now I can't remember what it was...