Monday, August 9, 2010

July's Results & More!

Stats for July 1st:
221.4 lbs.
Waist 43
Hip 49
Butt 47
Bust 42
Arm 15
Thigh 27
Shin 16.5
Wrist 6.5

Stats for August 1st:
216.2 lbs
Waist 42, -1"
Hip 48.5, -0.5"
Butt 46, -1"
Bust 41, -1"
Arm 15, same
Thigh 27, same
Shin 15.5, -1"
Wrist 6.5, same

So, about 5 pounds and 4.5 inches lost in one month of 1200-1500 calorie days. Granted, I've lost more in a shorter amount of time by eating less... but there's something nice and sane about eating normally.

I think I may be a little...off. I am conflicted. I would like to eat nothing and run about all day. I would also like to sit on the couch, watching TV, and eat spoonfuls of jam straight from the jar. So at the moment, I'm doing an insane balancing act. I eat somewhat normally - paying attention to food groups, limiting fat and salt and sugar (and jam!). And I exercise somehow, everyday. And I try to be more active about the house and during the day. And I view thinspirational materials and I dream of renting my own flat someday so I can quit eating. So it's all a little insane. The word "wannarexic" comes to mind as I type this. I think at heart, I am a binge eater who would rather quit eating altogether than eat human proportions of foods.


On to other things...  I have a great tan! The not-so-great part is that my old cutting scars are really obvious (scars don't tan). So all of you who may read this: never EVER cut yourself on purpose. It's dumb dumb dumb! It only takes a moment, lasts forever, and doesn't do much to help whatever reason you have for cutting!


*ahem* Anyway... I've noticed since I have revisited my old friend the community gym, I have more energy, less asthma problems, and some bits and pieces of my body are getting sorta hard. Ya know? Like my shins and thighs seem to actually contain muscles. My arms, although still wobbly and large enough for two arms, are stronger and I can lift heavier things. My abs... and ribs... and all that is still lost under all the fat in my midsection. A person could suffocate in there... My belly button is still MIA, but I have found my feet! (I know 1. it's really pathetic, 2. if you've never been as large as me you have no idea what I'm talking about).

That's all for now, I'll post what I lose (if anything) in August.
~ Samantha

2 comments:

sadhana said...

Awesome progress! Keep it up!

I feel like I can really relate to this post, but I'm at a loss for words to express why and how. Sorry. I just want to let you know that I think you are doing amazing.

Dot said...

That's wonderful! Great job on the progress and working out!
I don't think the term "wannarexic" applies to what you're doing at all ;)

Keep up the good work <3